Last night before I went to sleep, I had a little chat with my angels. After much convincing on their part, I realized it was time to let go on the house. For a long time, I’ve felt responsible for what has happened to my family, and I had to let go of that, too. I was fighting so hard for control over this situation because I felt that I needed to make it happen for my family; I tried with all my might to force it to happen, but we all know everything happens in its own time. Archangel Michael reminded me of my favorite prayer – the prayer of serenity. I realized that I had done all I could do, and there was nothing left but to give it to God and the angels, so I did just that. I knew whatever was meant to be, whatever was best for my family, would ultimately come to pass. I hadn’t sat on the sidelines but played an active role in bringing about the best future possible. I had to forgive myself for what I had assumed was failure on my part, and I had to admit to myself and the universe that I deserved this house. It wasn’t just that my husband and son deserved it – I had admitted that months ago. I needed to honestly know that I deserved it, too. It just so happens that it took a very special little bird (Robin :)) visiting my blog to remind me of that fact.
This morning when I woke, I felt so much better. I really had no reason why, I just did. I read my horoscope on Beliefnet. It comes in my inbox every morning, but I usually don’t pay much attention because I’ve always felt they are way too general and usually don’t hit on target with me. But, this morning’s read that today wouldn’t be so great but tomorrow would be. So, I wondered for a moment … “Wouldn’t that be great if we got a call tomorrow saying we got the house?” I didn’t think a whole lot of it, though.
When I did my workout, I was listening to one of my favorite artists – Carrie Underwood. It might sound weird, but I always feel closer to God when I’m working out. Anyway, I almost cried when “So Small” came on my ipod. I’ve always loved that song, but today one section in particular really hit home …
“It’s so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time
it’s like a river that’s so wide
it swallows you whole
While you sit around thinking about what you can’t change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time’s flying by
moving so fast
you better make it count ’cause you can’t get it back
Sometimes that mountain you’ve been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you’ve been up there searching for
forever is in your hands …”
It seemed like lately I’d been so lost, except of course when I’m doing readings. It’s the oddest thing, really. When I read for someone, it’s like I don’t exist in this world. It’s like I exist as energy only, and my problems are no longer relevant. Hmmm, maybe that’s another reason I love my job! 😉
So this song spoke to me deeply because I know I’ve wasted so much energy worrying about something I can’t change. Ironically, I also know I have to ability to make things so much better for my family, but I don’t do anything about it because I’m so busy worrying. What I’ve been searching for forever – happiness, freedom, fulfillment – it’s all in my own hands. I just have to decide that I deserve those things, too. I think it’s safe to say that this morning’s workout sure kicked my butt, but not just in a physical way.
After my workout, I took a shower and got ready to leave for a luncheon at the elementary school. When I got in the car and started to pull out of my driveway, a song came on the radio that I’d never heard before. It was something about “tonight’s going to be a great night”. I laughed to myself thinking, “Oh wouldn’t that be nice? I’d have to hear some pretty good news for that to happen.” Then I realized my radio was on the wrong station somehow. I usually listen to a country station, but this station was four channels ahead. Okay, so I had to notice that was weird.
The luncheon was wonderful. It was something the school had set up as a thank you to all the volunteers. At the end of the luncheon, a few students came in to perform for us as a preview for Friday’s talent show. When a young girl came up to play “Don’t Stop Believing” on the keyboard, I had to fight back my tears. Her music flowed through me like the moon singing to the ocean. I couldn’t ignore it … someone was sending me messages.
Oh, and the last act was a first grader doing a hula hoop routine. It was one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen! Okay, back to my story …
So, I went home and realized I missed a call from my Realtor. After a grueling half hour of phone tag, she said, “Congratulations! You have a home!” I cried. The End.
We are so very happy! I know there’s a lot of work ahead of us, but I can’t deny how amazing all this is. So, please, all of you out there who are still struggling … don’t stop believing.
Have a wonderful night! I know I’m about to get some much needed truly restful sleep!
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