As some of you may already know, my husband and I had to pull our offer on the house we planned to purchase in Fowlerville. This last week, our inspections were completed. Luckily, the homeowner came home early, and we had a chance to talk to her. Before we even placed a bid on this house, my husband called several internet companies to be sure we would have high speed internet. Cable wasn’t available, but a certain DSL company confirmed they were able to offer high speed internet at that residence. However, after speaking with the homeowner, we found this information was incorrect. She actually laughed because this company had told her the same thing, until they came out to her house and told her they couldn’t offer the service after all. The only internet available was dial-up, which she currently had, or satellite. After several more phone calls, we had to face facts. Satellite internet is absolutely horrible and ridiculously expensive. Not having reliable high speed internet would severely cripple my work as well as my husband’s. We were already sacrificing on the location, knowing my husband would have to drive close to an hour to and from his day job. After learning we would have to give up a large part of our businesses as well, we had to pull our offer.
Like most professionals in my field, I can’t read for myself. But, looking back, I’m angry with myself that I didn’t see the signs. We listened too much to the advice and opinions of those around us, and we were settling. When I did an online angel card reading for myself, two specific cards kept coming up. One said that we needed to set our sights higher. We told ourselves that we weren’t settling, but maybe we were also lying to ourselves. The other card said that we needed to decide which way would lead us closer to our life purpose and which would lead us away. At the time, I didn’t understand how either decision would lead me or my husband away from our life purpose. But, after the whole not being able to have internet thing, I now realize how that could take us both far from our destined paths.
We now have a bid on the house we had originally wanted in Williamston. I thought I had successfully talked myself out of that house, but I now realize that a big part of me was not only listening to what other people want, but I am also afraid of this house. I know that might not make a whole lot of sense, and I have to think about that a little more before I write about it.
For now, I feel completely out of control with this whole situation. Those who know me best will know this is very difficult for me. As a child, I was tough and always in control of everything I could control. I had to have a sense of normalcy in all the craziness of my world. For a long time, I haven’t needed that. With my private projects, yes, I am still that way. It’s the only way I know how to get things done. But, in my personal life as a whole, I’ve been spoiled. I have a husband who loves me … well, frankly probably more than I deserve. Is my honesty shocking? Well, if I’m going to be honest, I have to say that I am a lot to deal with sometimes. I have crazy dreams. Some people think I am crazy, and they haven’t always been very nice to us because of who I am … because of what I do. We’ve lost friends, and family members don’t always appreciate how “different” I am, but my husband stands by me. When I am scared and unsure, he isn’t. When I lose faith in myself, he restores me. He is my strength, my courage, my soul mate and best friend. He is my guardian angel here on Earth.
So, for a long time, I have placed all my worries on my husband, but these last several months have been different. I have had to find that part of myself that I had buried for so long. It’s not that I don’t still have my husband, but I now need to be strong for him as he still is for me. I need to have faith when his heart is weak. We both need to be equally strong and courageous. Maybe there’s some part of me that doesn’t believe I’m that strong anymore, but I know I am. I have to be. This is surely a test of courage and faith on my part. Freely giving up control over a situation is one thing, but having it taken from you is completely another.
I know my family will find a home. I know we will find where we are meant to be. We will find the best situation for our family, and that might not be the situation other people have envisioned for us. I am upset with myself at this current dilemma because this house we love currently has multiple offers on it. I knew we should have pulled our offer on the other house right away, but we didn’t. I tried to make it work instead. I wasted two days and countless hours on hold with several different companies. We waited too long to write up our offer on the Williamston house. The same morning our offer was submitted, another offer was received. Both parties were instructed to give their highest and best offers. We did so, and now all we can do is pray and wait. If any of you want to send prayers our way, we would greatly appreciate it. 🙂 We should know something by Monday afternoon or Tuesday sometime, so I will keep you all posted of what happens.
Oh, and this is funny … this wasn’t really a deciding factor, but it did cross my mind that the day we went to look at the house in Fowlerville I had a strong feeling we were going to find our house that night. I recently discovered that was also the day that the house in Williamston was cleared to go back on the market! Maybe I misinterpreted my feeling a bit? Any thoughts?
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