The Ultimate Devastation
of Losing Someone and How to Cope
from our Angel Messenger Creative Team
Losing someone we hold dear to our heart is probably the most painful experience any person can ever go through. When someone we love passes away, it is easy to let oneself sink into a bottomless pit of depression and inertia. But you must, at that moment, stop and think: “Is this what my loved one would want for me?” “Would they really want me to be unhappy and dejected or would they want me to be happy and content?”
I am sure you know the answer. We must go on living because that’s what those who truly love us would wish for us. Grief can also come in many other forms like losing one’s source of income, divorce or natural calamity, etc. No matter what the actual incident is, dealing with it is always a shattering experience. It could seem very unfair and the feeling of ‘why me’ can make the process of going through your daily life seem like the greatest torture on earth. As hard as it might be, I would urge you to never lose hope because as long as you have hope, the possibility of a better tomorrow will always exist.
Understanding The 5 Stages of Grief
No matter where the grief is coming from, it often requires us to pass through certain stages before we are able to regain control over our emotional landscape.
According to the Kübler-Ross model, there are five key stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. However, you must understand that we don’t necessarily experience them in a linear fashion. We might slip in and out of each one these stages simultaneously until fully healed. We may or may not experience each stage every time and there is certainly not a time limit on the stages because every relationship is unique and personal therefore, so is the grieving.
Initially, when a tragedy unfolds, our natural reaction is to avoid accepting that it’s even happening. We deny the veracity of the situation by rationalizing it couldn’t possibly be real or that there’s no way it could be happening to us. This is a natural defense mechanism inbuilt within our emotional makeup to shield us from the immediate trauma surrounding us at any given moment.
Advice for this stage: Turn to family and friends for comfort. Make efforts to face the situation and accept that it is real because without acceptance you can’t transform it.
Once our mind gradually starts accepting the reality of what’s going on, the next most natural reaction is anger. This can take a major emotional toll on you if you don’t take steps to transform the energy of anger into something constructive. There is a quote that sums up the damage anger causes in a very profound way, ‘Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.’ One must forgive oneself for the anger one is feeling and one must forgive others for whatever wrong we think they have done to us. If you are angry with God, the Creator or the Universe, even then you must forgive and replace the emotion of anger with unconditional love. Certainly, this is easier said than done but with time and efforts, you’ll get there.
Advice for this stage: Find creative ways of expressing your anger: join a boxing class, take up painting, try writing your feelings in a poem.
This is the stage when our mind begins to get filled with the “if only” and “what if”s. We constantly go back to that moment when we first came face-to-face with the tragic incident and wonder if we could have just done certain things differently, then this moment will be very different.
Advice for this stage: Accept that you did the best that you could with the understanding and knowledge you had at that moment. You still have the power to change your circumstances. Focus on what you can do now rather than on what you think you should have done.
As regret and sadness begin to replace all the other fiery emotions, one begins to slip into a state of depression. This is the stage of mourning and it is necessary to allow oneself to feel the full implications of the loss that has occurred.
Advice for this stage: Make an effort to come out of the depression by staying active: join a club, take up a hobby, join a healing circle, etc. Take care of your appearance and make efforts to stay healthy.
Unfortunately, not everyone reaches this stage but only with full acceptance can true healing occur. As you begin to embrace the light that has always been awaiting your arrival at the end of the tunnel, you recognize that there was a reason why the tragedy happened in the first place. Your soul chose to go through these painful experiences so that you could learn some of the most profound lessons of forgiveness and love.
Advice for this stage: I am urging that you dare to dream and hope beyond what your circumstances dictate because only those who retain hope manage to eventually find the happiness and abundance they are seeking.
Much Love & Angel Blessings,
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