Thank You For Shining A Light
This post is going to be a personal one. I’ve really struggled these past few years with how I feel about this. Honestly, there has been severe depression, guilt, anger, feelings of betrayal, and a whole lot more. I’ve really had to dive deep to heal this one, but it’s a big one, and it may even have something to do in part with healing the Divine Feminine as well I think.
When my mother-in-law died, I shut down almost completely. There was hardly anything left of me operating in this world anymore. I felt like everything about me was wrong, that no matter what I did to try to make a difference was treated with hatred and cruelty, but much of that was addressed in my last post. Sometimes I feel like my efforts just inadvertently harm those I love. This time it was because I had accidentally stepped on toes by doing what I was asked to do. I made people upset by granting a last request, by trying to make things easier on my dying mother-in-law.
But, I have also carried so much anger at myself because of what I didn’t know. If I had known 10 or 15 years ago what I know now, Mom may still be with us. If I had known then the truth about real nutrition, I would have been able to tell her that what her doctors were telling her to do and all the pills they were making her take was the wrong path, but would she have listened to me? I did at one point send over a blender with all the ingredients and directions to make protein and green smoothies, and everything was returned weeks later in exactly the same condition I had sent it in. Still, I have beat myself up over what I might have been able to do if I had known everything earlier. What I did know was too little too late as I was too sick myself to actually go to her and make a difference myself, which is frustrating. Maybe I should have pushed myself harder, though every time I tried that I did severely pay for it with increased pain, etc.
Side note: Legally, I must tell you I am not a doctor and am not suggesting that you should not listen to your doctor. However, I am definitely suggesting that you should do your own research about your condition and ask questions, and you should definitely learn more about nutrition and how it could benefit you because it may just save your life! Okay, on with it …
Three weeks before Mom died, I had an appointment with a liver specialist. Since I could not afford medical insurance, I had to pay $400 for my 10 minute appointment with this doctor who blatantly told me that, according to my blood tests, I was going to die of liver failure unless I had Bariatric surgery or took some other kind of immediate and invasive action. She told me how her father had the surgery and how it saved his life and recommended I go to this seminar put on by the hospital where they discuss options that were supposed to include meeting with a nutritionist (or so I thought, but maybe I misunderstood).
I went home and did a lot of research so that I was well informed by the time the seminar came around. My husband and I both went to the seminar, which was a joke. Still to this day I think about writing a letter to those people telling them exactly what I think of their “seminar”. It’s just so wrong! It was nothing more than a sales pitch for the different types of surgery options they offer: Bariatric, lap band, sleeve, etc.
Please understand, I am not trying to speak badly of those who have had these surgeries and done well with them. However, this particular seminar was a sales pitch that did not discuss side effects or concerns, though I’m guessing they discuss that at some point. I am not happy with this “sales pitch” type of program because I’ve seen this exact type of marketing used in business, and I believe that it is EXTREMELY WRONG to use fear tactics to market (manipulate) people into having a surgery that may not be their best option. It certainly is not their only option. However, this seminar did not discuss any other options, and did not discuss anything about nutrition at all. If only people really knew about nutrition, I believe we would see A LOT more health in our world.
So, as my mother-in-law lay in her bed dying, I was the one giving her the morphine. All I could think was that, in a few years, my family is going to have to do this for me. I felt there was no hope because all the crap my doctors had been telling me was all the same crap Mom’s doctors had been telling her. So many useless diets that ended up actually being unhealthy, so many pills that are actually toxic to the body, so much advice from our trusted doctors that ended up not being so good at all.
Did you know that doctors are actually not taught anything about nutrition? Actually, I think they spend one semester on it maybe? A doctor once told me that, but I can’t remember for sure now. However, they certainly spend quite a lot of time learning how to prescribe medications … it’s no surprise that is their specialty, though there are doctors moving away from that method and who are learning more about nutrition and other integrative modalities.
You have no idea how many times they promised Mom that a new liver was on it’s way … that she was at the top of the list. This was it! Don’t leave the state! We all kept our cell phones next to our beds with the ringers at top volume … but no call would ever come. There was always some reason to get knocked back down to the bottom of the list. A couple times she was removed from the list because she was too healthy … she had bounced back enough that her health was no longer as serious as the health of others. One of Mom’s main specialists even asked Dad to come speak at the University of Michigan because he could not believe how Dad was able to keep Mom alive for so long; how she was able to bounce back so many times. (She did experience a few life saving miracles.)
And for those of you out there thinking that liver disease must mean that Mom and I are both alcoholics, get off your high horse of judgment because you couldn’t be more wrong!!! We are not alcoholics! I don’t think I ever remember seeing Mom drink, and I can’t drink. The liver is responsible for getting toxins out of the body, and you would not believe how many toxins are in our environment, in the foods we eat, the medications given to us by our doctors. Liver disease is caused by a lot more than you might think, though Mom was treated really badly in some places because, even in the world of medicine, some people are not wise enough to know the truth.
After Mom passed, I put my anger into research. I started looking at food even more closely than I already had been. To make a long story short, I reversed my liver numbers without surgery. When I was at that seminar, I was the smallest person in that room, but they were still trying to sell me surgery. It’s like they didn’t care what was truly best for me, and that’s what makes me the most angry. I’m angry for me, and I’m angry for Mom. Did they ever even see her? Or, were they just seeing a way to make more money?
I know I sound jaded, and I’m not saying that all doctors are bad. In fact, I’m seeing a Rheumatologist right now that has been a Godsend to me. Some people do care, but some people don’t. It would be like saying all people in my profession are good or bad. They are most certainly not all good, though they are not all bad either. That’s why it is so important to develop our own souls, so we can tell the difference and find the Truth for ourselves. There are way too many people out there who just don’t see what they are doing to people … or maybe they do and just don’t care … but wow that is disgusting.
And I really think for women it is worse. For women, it is harder for us to find people that will hear us – in the medical field, in society, in politics, in the justice system. It’s everywhere. It is really coming out in the United States at the moment. Women are speaking out and taking back power that has kept us silent for centuries, and it is time that I speak up for Mom, too.
During Mom’s whole life, there was a lot that happened to her where her voice was taken – even to the point where her church disgraced her at her own funeral. The Deacon of her Catholic Church was supposed to come and speak at her funeral – to do the service, but he just never showed up. We called several times, even the emergency number, but no one came or even called back. Still to this day, no one from the church has given Dad a reason of why they disgraced her.
And I didn’t speak up for her either. My husband and I stood up briefly together and thanked everyone for coming, but I felt then that I should have said something, that I should have stood up and done it myself. I am an ordained minister. But, I felt I had already stepped on toes and didn’t want to overstep again. It’s not like I was prepared or anything, and I had never spoken at a funeral before. Still I am angry at myself because no one ended up standing up for her, and someone should have … I should have. Out of everyone who was there, I was the most qualified, but I let my fear of what others would say and do hold me back from doing what was right. Why did I do that? I’m so sorry, Mom. I’m not going to be silent anymore …
First, let me say Thank you, Mom. Thank you for Shining a Light on the Truth! Because without your Journey, I would not have been able to see through the lies they tell. Because I watched what you went through, I knew the stories they tell are false. I knew to take a different road, and that road is saving my life. I still have pain because I have a different illness, but I will not die of liver disease, so thank you for shining a light on the truth because now I know to keep looking for it.
Yesterday was the three year anniversary of your passing, and we held a ceremony in your honor. Our little family – the three of us …. we stood up for you, Mom. I hope you see us and know that we love you. As a condensed version, I will publicly say this …
As a Minister Ordained by God, I ask for retroactive cleansing of any sins, to make your soul pure and Beautiful in the eyes of God. I ask that your soul be protected, for you to be safe in the arms of our Holy Father.
As a Child of Heaven saved and protected by the Goddess, I ask for your soul to receive the Blessing of our Holy Mother now and always, to carry with you the Flame of our ancestors so that your Light may never be extinguished. Blessed be, Mom.
And on this day as we send our Love to Heaven, I also ask that Heaven would send Love to Earth. Please heal our planet, infuse our people with Goddess energy and help us to bring balance to what has become so imbalanced. May the Voices of Truth be heard. May the Light of Love be seen. May Love always Light the Way!
Thank you for Shining a Light!
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