Are YOU Living YOUR Life?
byย Rev. Sheri, founder ofย Angel Messenger
Are you living your life? Or is guilt, or maybe even another person, living it for you?
Have you ever had so many responsibilities, other people depending on you, or even outside circumstances pressing down on you so hard that you feel like you just can’t even breathe anymore?
Have you ever been in so much emotional pain that it physically begins to take a toll on your body?
As you may know, the last year has been incredibly difficult. It was an entire year when outside circumstances took over the lives of everyone in my immediate family. I trusted someone that I shouldn’t have trusted, and Angel Messenger almost went broke. My grandfather was hospitalized in March, passed away in June. The weekend after Grandpa was buried, my mom-in-law took a serious fall that eventually brought about her passing.
Dealing with the aftermath of everything has been too much to handle at times, and we haven’t been able to really take any time to heal. We had to cancel a business trip to Florida last spring that we had also planned to extend into a family vacation because I was worried that my grandfather would pass while we were gone. We attempted to plan another family vacation, but once Mom fell, that had to be cancelled as well. The one time we finally made a huge effort to go away for two days, something really bad happened.
It was the Fourth of July weekend, and we went up north to stay with friends at their cabin for the weekend. This was the weekend that Mom fell. She had been very ill for 10 years, and she was bed-bound for the last six years at least. Her bones were brittle, and that fall broke so many bones in her body that she just could never come back from it. We felt so guilty. We had been cancelling and rearranging plans for years in order to be there for Mom. The one time we allowed ourselves a couple of days happened to be one of the worst times we could possibly have not been there.
On November 11th, my husband lost his mother, and my son lost his grandmother. In his wisdom, my son pointed out that it’s like we lost Grandpa, too, because he’s certainly not the same. This loss was a huge blow to us all.
For me, it was a year of painful growth. It actually started when I committed myself to a very costly business class and ended after the deaths of four loved ones. Two of those losses where the “knock the wind out of you” type of losses – my mom-in-law and my paternal grandfather. When my grandfather passed away last June, I knew I had lost any chance to connect with his (my father’s) family. I had spent months sitting with them next to Grandpa’s hospital bed. I tried to put as much effort as possible into the expensive class that I signed up for, but I was honestly in so much pain that I just wished I’d never signed up for it. The instructor sure wasn’t happy that I was so focused on my pain and dying loved ones, but I felt family was more important.
My grandfather was a part of my life, but it turns out that my father’s family didn’t exactly know that I existed. I thought they did know and didn’t care, but that’s another story. So, I faithfully visited my grandfather as much as possible. It was my time with him, and I wanted to be there as much as I could. I felt like there was something he needed from me, and I was right. Being there meant I was able to have our last conversation that meant a great deal to both of us. He had needed that and so did I.
That time with him also meant that I met my aunts, uncles, cousins … and eventually my father. After talking with and spending time with them all, it was easy to find hope that things might be different now. I didn’t just fall down a rabbit hole with this, I was sucked in so hard and so fast that I was no longer myself. The illness that had seemed more of an annoyance began to take over, and I actually wondered if I might die myself. It felt like there was nothing I could do. As a little girl, I had buried all this pain inside that my adult self didn’t know was even there. It was like I was gently flying around discovering new galaxies when I was suddenly sucked into a black hole of despair and self-loathing. I’m not proud it of, but my reasons seemed quite justified at the time. Seriously, how was I supposed to feel after all I had learned and all that had happened?
It seemed like just as I had tried to expand Angel Messenger into finally being what I wanted it to be, this crazy maelstrom of a storm hit full force. This pain was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It felt like everything that I tried to help me overcome what was happening would only tear me apart. I tried to make sense of why my father’s family didn’t know about me and what my father did or didn’t know. What had happened to all the letters I had written to him over the years? When the truth behind the story finally began to unravel, I couldn’t believe what I’d found. It seems there may have actually been some kind of conspiracy to hide my existence. So, that was weird? How does someone deal with that? I still don’t know, honestly.
The thing that hit me the hardest was when my son told me how upset he was about everything that had happened with my father’s family. I knew how much I hurt on the day Grandpa was buried. This was one time when I really wished I’d been wrong. Once Grandpa was gone, there was no reason for the family to want anything to do with me … or my son. And I forgot … I forgot in my black hole of despair that this would also affect my son. I can’t believe I let this happen.
Part of me will probably always look back on this time as one of my biggest failures as a parent. For someone who always puts others first, I am so ashamed to say that I didn’t protect my son from the pain he experienced because of me. I allowed my son to come with me to the hospital several times because this was his family, too. I didn’t think about what would happen to him when they didn’t have a reason for us to be a part of their lives anymore. In one of our little talks, my son broke down crying about how upset he was about this whole ordeal. He had hoped, like I did, that he would have more family that he could spend time with. It’s a bit complicated to explain the details of why this was so important, but my son had placed hope in these new family members that he had not ever placed with anyone before, and I was completely blind to what was happening to him until it was too late.
However, I do try to remind myself that my son is also a lightworker. I try to accept that he was meant to be there – not to experience the pain but to provide healing to those who needed it. He was a great source of healing for my grandmother (who is still a part of our lives even though she lives kinda far away). Sometimes my son is exactly the beacon of light I need to remind me that there is always a light in the darkness.
It has been a long road, but I’m starting to find my way out of that black hole. If you want to know how I did it, well, I’m not quite sure. I leaned on my guides and angels quite heavily. Eventually, I began to trust that everything was happening as it was Divinely meant to.
I am usually a big believer in taking action. I do not believe we are supposed to just sit around and pray our laundry list of wants and needs to our Heavenly guardians all day, just
expecting them to live our lives for us. However, there are certainly times when we are simply not able to make things happen no matter how hard we try. These are times we should ask ourselves if maybe we’re not meant to change things. So, that’s where I started. I started to entertain the idea that maybe my father’s family wasn’t supposed to be part of my life (or my son’s life). Having faith that Heaven could see the “big picture” much more clearly than I could at that point, I let go of what was really my “expectations”. I have left a small window open for hope, just in case things change. However, I’m doing my best to let go of being attached to any outcome.
There is still pain, but I think we have all come out the other side of this stronger and much more knowledgeable. I won’t say that any of us are completely healed from what happened. Obviously, I’m still physically ill. If I’m being honest, I’m not all the way spiritually or emotionally healed either. I’m stronger in many ways, though. I know I can fight through whatever this illness is that is raging around in my body. I know how to see through appearances much better, too. (My talent has always been to see the potential of any situation, and that has also sometimes been just as much of a weakness as it is a strength.)
When the new year began, my husband and I sat down and really thought about what we wanted out of our lives. Those we love have worked their whole lives to please other people – sometimes for a career, but the thing that really stuck in our heads was Mom and Dad. We asked ourselves if we want to be the kind of people that never take time for vacations and then one day sadly realize it’s too late to go.
I have decided to fight back this illness by learning and implementing all the real medicine I can find – like real nutrition. I’ve also had a really up close and personal view of the medical industry this past year, and one thing that expensive class did teach me is to see behind the words of what people say. Modern medicine is a business; it may have some expert ad campaigns, but that doesn’t mean it’s really out to help people feel better and live longer. Maybe I’m just a little jaded, but I see beyond the illusions now. I see how everyone but patients benefit in many cases. (Not every part of modern medicine is bad, though. I’ll say I’ve met some awesome nurses, though I’ve also met some who may want to consider another career.)
My husband and I have also decided to make more of an effort to work less and experience life more. Sometimes circumstances in our lives can really take over. As you can see, I’ve been there. But, my family is starting to see that we are finally in a place where we can take our lives back. It’s difficult for sure, and we are still in pain, but we are deciding to move forward and to live our lives more for ourselves.
Life can be crazy messy. Sometimes we only have the strength to react to what is happening around us, and living a life we choose seems impossible. Sometimes just getting out of bed in the morning takes a Herculean effort, but living life is why we are here. Deep inside us, we have passions and personalities that aid us in finding our Divine path. It’s not selfish to live a life true to who you are. In fact, not living for your true self means that you’re not living your purpose. If you’re ignoring what your heart is telling you, ignoring your passions and what you really know to be true for you, then you really are ignoring your Divine guidance because who you are and what drives you are major keys that unlock what you’re here to do in this life. Just let go. Live for you, be who you are meant to be! That’s my intention, at least.
Have you ever experienced something like this? If so, how did you overcome and begin living a life for yourself again? Please feel free to share your thoughts and suggestions in the comments below. I would love to hear from you. ๐
Much Love & Angel Blessings,
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Thank you for this article. All of my life has been a struggle in this area, always been loaded with other people’s wants and needs, ever since I was a child. Itยดs very sad. Trying to break free, I’ve struggled with guilt and shame and all my self-doubts. Iยดm still breaking free, and this article is one of those messages that are giving me the strength and clarity to finally accomplish it. God bless you and your family.
May God bless you and your family, Pili. <3 Keep pushing forward, my friend. I believe that when more and more people are able to push through that guilt and shame to find their true spirit, we raise the energetic vibration of everyone we touch. Breaking free may not be easy, but you're trying, and that is so very important. I'm trying, too. Thank you for sharing and connecting. ๐
Bless you, peace and strength to you and your son. I will pray for you.
Thank you, Sheri! We certainly appreciate blessings, peace, strength, prayers and kindness. They are much needed. <3 I just visited your website - beautiful work. ๐
Dear, Sheri , thankyou so much for telling your story. It is familiar to me, though my story is different it is the same in that when things seemingly happen in quick succession there is a message in each happening. A childhood emotional resonance that needs to be accepted, integrated and loved is what I have found through meditation and breathing consciously. I have learned to respond rather then react. To love the feelings as they come up inside. I still look to the Angels for guidance and I ask God daily to show me the truth.
Jackie,
Thank you for sharing I am glad you have found ways to respond vs. react it certainly is something we have to learn.
Thank you for sharing, Jackie. <3
Thank you so much for sharing your story. My life is just me. What family I do have doesn’t have anything to do with me for I have nothing to give except me and I won’t change who I am for being someone I don’t like so we don’t see each other. We live in different worlds. When I lost my husband my life changed. The life i lived for over 6 years was Hell here on earth. However i found my way back and I found my faith again. I go to your site every morning and talk to my Angels and I get strength. God Bless You and your Family and I pray things start getting better and I know they will because i can see you are very spiritual and blessed to have the knowledge you have. You have inspired me in my darkness of days and I love you for it. My prayers are with you and your family. Thank you again for sharing your story will all of us for me it has made me stronger person. God Bless Martha Reece
Martha,
We are glad you enjoy our site and find strength in the articles and things we share with everyone. I am sorry for the loss of your husband and for your family not accepting you for who you are. I applaud you for standing up for yourself and being who you need to be so you are not changing for them. It can be very challenging, I actually am going through some family issues myself and drawing my boundaries. Prayers to you for peace, happiness, and strength to find your way on your journey. ๐
God Bless you, Martha. Thank you for sharing your journey and your courage. <3
Dear Rev Sheri,
Thank you so much for sharing your vulnerabilities with us. It helps me feel less alone. I am very sorry for all of the pain you and your family have experienced. I am sending healing vibes to all of you. Having been in extreme emotional (and sometimes physical pain) as well as aa spiritual vacuum for almost 3/4 of son’s life, I can tell you that you WILL get through this, you already are. I can really relate to your enstrangement from your dad and his family though I don’t know the whole story. I have had “dad” issues all of my life and I too spent a long time thinking I needed to fix myself and fix the relationship with my father (a very dysfunctional man). I can tell you that you do NOT have to fix these issues anymore. You and your son are perfectly whole and complete without your father or his family. YOU are good enough!! All you have to do is heal which is exactly what you are doing!! I also can promise you that having your son at the hospital was in NO way a failure as a mother though I understand that protecting our children are everything. I believe that you were protecting your son in having him with you because this experience will help him with discernment in the future. I truly believe you have your son a gift while he gave you one as well. You’re very brave and I thank you for your work, your insight and authenticity. Many blessings and hugs to you for continued improved healing and physical health. Love, Mary
Thank you so much, Mary. Your words are a synchronistic reminder that I will get through this. Thank you for your kindness, blessings, love and healing energy. You are very much appreciated. <3
Dear Sheri,
In an 8 month period of time I lost my Mom, my “soul” dog, and my husband. There was nothing left. I who never cried or was anything but strong, fell apart. My daughter couldn’t be around me because I was so different. My son had moved to another state. It took months for me to acknowledge, when someone in our life dies- it changes us- we can never be the same. We have to be a new person- it is not a choice it is a fact.
For me, I decided I wanted to be as kind to people as possible, I wanted to bring light and love into as many person’s daily routine as possible. I succeed most days, on days when I feel I won’t be able to nice, kind and comforting: I stay home.
My experience with the medical field is one of the things that can hold me back from kindness….
I hope you are better soon and that your son still can put faith in those around him and not become fearful of accepting people into his life. There will always be good days and bad days- good memories and bad- and sadly good people and not so good people.
Be well, smile, and make the Best memories you can.
Thank you for sharing, Julie. My heart goes out to you. You are exactly right on with everything you said. We have all changed (myself, my son, my husband and Dad, too). After going through something that carves you out so deeply, you become someone remade. We can choose whether we become fearful or filled with love and kindness, and we do all have good days and bad days. Sometimes, we have more bad days then good, and that’s okay. It’s part of the healing process. Those are the times when what we need to give ourselves is love and kindness, and that too will help us heal. Love and Blessings to you. <3
i come from a family of utter traitors, people who have betrayed me on every level, it seems to me that they were put here only to torment me and make my life a living hell. But i survived, i survived by waking up to the fact that they are not my true family for my true family would never hurt me. I did it by getting very angry, i left them behind and simply was no longer there for them to hurt, i have learnt to be very choosy about who i invite into my life. Maybe its time to take back your power, remember that your a scorpio the most powerful and intuitive of all the signs. You and your real family deserve the best. Let the rest go. They belong in the past, not your future. x
Tracey, love to you dear. That’s a difficult decision to make to completely cut ties, but sometimes it is necessary. We are learning to distance ourselves from other people’s drama. There are some family members who are basically choosing to live in their own self-created hell. Unfortunately, some people are comfortable in that space, thinking they deserve to be there. While we want to help them, we have to remember that they are on their own path and will only look outside the prison they’ve created for themselves when they are ready. We can be a light to others, but it is above all our responsibility to keep shining. Thank you for sharing your courage. <3 It is a challenge for sure. I thought I'd let the past go a long, long time ago. However, these past few months found a way to uncover the pain that was left, and oh does it hurt. ๐ But, I'm working on letting it go.
Dear Rev. Sheri, i empathize with your story. I am a survivor of many difficult situations created by my parents choices. I believe that only sacrifice and discipline might help overcome their poor choices – but – at the end, your are your own captain of your life. Painful memories and wishful closure of a happy ending bring us even more on the verge of failing to see what is. Love alone cannot always resolve a cul-de-sac situation. It is very important to learn the art of letting go. Most of the time, when you willingly let go, the pain that prevents you to enjoy who you truly are, gives way to a refreshing start. Much love, anna
So true, Anna. Thank you for sharing. I have found that letting go is an unbelievably painful yet beautiful experience … a journey of finding the true self. I now understand that my true, divine self is someone I have not even met yet in this lifetime, but I’m getting closer and closer to meeting her. ๐