What If God Is Not Disappointed in You?
by Rev. Sheri Spiritual teacher, writer, and founder of Angel Messenger
Maybe you haven’t prayed in a while.
Maybe you’re angry with God.
Maybe you made a choice you regret.
Maybe you haven’t forgiven someone, even though you think you should have by now.
Maybe you have questions you’re afraid you’re not supposed to ask.
Maybe you’re struggling with something you promised yourself—and perhaps God—that you would never struggle with again.
Or maybe you’ve simply been carrying around a quiet feeling that you aren’t doing very well at this whole spiritual thing.
And somewhere underneath it all is a fear you don’t always say aloud:
Is God disappointed in me?
I wonder how many of us have carried that question without ever stopping to ask where it came from.
Who Taught You What God’s Voice Sounds Like?
Most of us were introduced to God through human hands.
Parents. Grandparents. Churches. Ministers. Priests. Teachers. Books. Traditions. Communities.
Even those who sincerely wanted to lead us toward God were still human.
And human beings bring their own experiences with them.
We bring our fears, wounds, prejudices, beliefs, expectations, need for control, understanding of right and wrong, and ideas about what love is supposed to look like.
Sometimes those things become tangled up in the God we present to others.
So perhaps one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves is:
Who taught me what God’s voice sounds like?
Because sometimes the disappointed voice we hear in our heads isn’t God’s voice at all.
It may belong to a parent who was never satisfied.
A teacher who made us feel stupid.
A religious leader who used shame to control us.
A person who taught us that love had to be earned.
A church that made belonging conditional.
Or someone who told us God was angry when perhaps it was actually they who were angry.
Human hands may have helped lead us toward God.
But human beings are not God.
And sometimes part of our spiritual journey is learning to separate the two.
What If God Loves You Right Here?
I believe God loves us exactly where and as we are.
Not the future version of us.
Not the version who finally gets everything right.
Not the version who prays every day, forgives everyone immediately, never gets angry, never doubts, never makes another mistake, and somehow manages to become spiritually perfect.
You.
Right here.
Right now.
That doesn’t mean we never need to grow.
Love can call us toward something better. Love can ask us to make amends. Love can help us recognize when we have hurt ourselves or someone else. Love can challenge us to become more compassionate, responsible, honest, and whole.
But love doesn’t require us to become perfect before we are worthy of receiving it.
Perhaps God isn’t standing above us with crossed arms, asking:
Why aren’t you better yet?
Perhaps God is beside us saying:
I know. Let’s keep going.
Sometimes We Have to Learn What a Loving Parent Is
We often describe God as a loving Parent.
But I think we sometimes forget how complicated those words can be.
For many people, the word parent does not automatically mean safety.
If the love we received growing up was conditional, unpredictable, absent, frightening, controlling, neglectful, or painful, how are we supposed to automatically understand what it means when someone tells us:
God loves you like a Parent?
We may understand the words intellectually without knowing how to receive them.
For some of us, God may be the only truly loving Parent we ever find.
And perhaps before we can fully receive that love, we have to learn what a loving parent actually is.
A loving parent doesn’t stop loving a frightened child because the child is afraid.
They don’t abandon a confused child because the child doesn’t understand.
They don’t withdraw their love when the child asks difficult questions.
They don’t demand that the child stop hurting before offering comfort.
They meet the child where they are.
And perhaps that is where God meets us, too.
Sometimes Animals Teach Us What Love Feels Like
I believe this is one reason animals can become such important teachers in our lives.
A beloved pet can give us an experience of love before we even have the words to explain what we’re experiencing.
They don’t care how successful we are.
They don’t know our bank balance.
They don’t care about our reputation.
They don’t know whether we said the right prayer.
They aren’t keeping track of all the things we should have accomplished by now.
They just know:
There you are.
You’re my person.
I want to be near you.
Through that relationship, some of us begin to experience something we may not have experienced enough from other human beings:
Love without a performance.
And perhaps the unconditional love we experience with our animals gives us a tiny glimpse of the much greater love God has for us.
But our animals teach us something else, too.
They teach us through the love we give them.
Think about an animal who is terrified during a thunderstorm.
You know the thunder isn’t going to hurt them.
They don’t.
You could explain weather patterns, atmospheric pressure, lightning, and sound waves all night long, and your frightened little dog or cat would still have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.
So what do you do?
You stay close.
You comfort them.
You let them crawl beside you or hide under the blanket.
You don’t look at them and say:
What is wrong with you? Haven’t I already proven that you’re safe? Why don’t you trust me?
You understand that they’re frightened because they cannot see what you can see.
They cannot understand what you understand.
And their fear doesn’t mean they don’t love or trust you.
Maybe we’re not so different.
There are things happening in our lives that we cannot understand.
Sometimes the thunder is very loud.
We pray for it to stop.
Sometimes it doesn’t.
We become frightened.
We question God.
We wonder why this is happening.
We wonder whether we’re safe.
We may even become angry with the One we believe should be protecting us.
And perhaps God isn’t looking at our fear and thinking:
Why don’t you trust me?
Perhaps God understands that we simply cannot see what God can see.
Maybe faith doesn’t always look like standing fearlessly in the storm.
Sometimes faith looks like being terrified and still crawling closer.
You Are Allowed to Be Angry With God
I think people sometimes believe they need to clean themselves up emotionally before approaching God.
We think we’re supposed to pray properly.
We should be grateful.
Faithful.
Trusting.
Calm.
Certain.
But what happens when we’re not?
What if we’re furious?
What if something terrible happened despite all our prayers?
What if we begged God for help and the answer we wanted never came?
What if we don’t understand why God allowed something?
What if we’re disappointed in God?
I believe we are allowed to say so.
You can tell God:
I’m angry with you.
I don’t understand.
I prayed, and nothing changed.
I don’t think this was fair.
Where were you?
I’m scared.
I don’t know what I believe anymore.
God already knows what is in your heart.
There is no benefit in pretending.
And perhaps an angry conversation with God is still a conversation with God.
There is still a relationship happening there.
God Is Not Threatened by Your Questions
Human beings can be threatened by questions.
Institutions can be threatened by questions.
Religious leaders can be threatened by questions.
Sometimes people have been taught that questioning what another person told them about God is the same thing as questioning God.
It isn’t necessarily.
Sometimes questioning what we’ve been taught is how we begin separating God from everything humanity has told us about God.
There may be things you once believed about God that you no longer believe.
There may be teachings that once frightened you that no longer make sense.
There may be questions you were told never to ask.
Ask them.
I don’t believe God is frightened by our curiosity.
I don’t believe God disappears when we misunderstand.
And I don’t believe Divine Love is so fragile that our anger, confusion, doubt, or questions can destroy it.
Whose Voice Are You Hearing?
So perhaps the next time that voice appears inside you saying:
God must be so disappointed in you.
Stop for a moment.
Listen carefully.
Does that voice actually sound like God?
Or does it sound suspiciously like someone who once told you who God was?
Because shame has a voice.
Fear has a voice.
Old wounds have voices.
Other people’s expectations can live inside us for a very long time.
But that doesn’t make them Divine.
Maybe God’s voice is quieter.
Maybe underneath all that noise is something much simpler:
I know.
I understand.
I’m still here.
Come as you are.
We can work through this together.
You Are Still a Beloved Child of Heaven
Maybe you’ve disappointed yourself.
Maybe you’ve disappointed other people.
Maybe you’ve made mistakes.
Maybe there are things you desperately wish you could undo.
Maybe you’re angry with God.
Maybe you don’t understand God.
Maybe you’re worried.
Maybe you’re questioning things you once thought you knew.
Maybe your faith feels very small right now.
That’s okay.
You are still learning.
You are still becoming.
You are still finding your way.
Please don’t confuse being unfinished with being unworthy of love.
God does not have to wait for some future, healed, perfected version of you before loving you.
God can love you here.
In the questions.
In the anger.
In the mess.
In the fear.
In the uncertainty.
Right here.
Right now.
Exactly where and as you are.
And perhaps God isn’t standing at the end of the road with crossed arms, waiting to ask why it took you so long.
Perhaps your loving Parent has been walking beside you the whole time.
Even when you didn’t know it.
Even when you were angry.
Even when you misunderstood.
Even when the thunder was so loud that you couldn’t hear anything else.
You are still loved.
You have always been loved.
And you are still a beloved child of Heaven.
With peace, love & grace,
Rev. Sheri
Founder, Angel Messenger
