(Trapped in A Land of Mist)
As 2018 was drawing closer to an end, especially nearing the Christmas Holiday, I kept feeling an overwhelming and deep sense of anxiety. It was something from outside of myself, like something big was about to happen. I even had a dream about myself dying. And, on New Year’s Eve morning, I clearly heard a voice in my bedroom say to me, “Are you ready, Re?” Ready for what? I don’t know … I don’t even know who was talking to me. There was no physical person there, though the only people who call me “Re” are very close family. It was a bit freaky to say the least.
I continued my spiritual practices of meditation and taking salt water baths to ground my energy. I also did my favorite thing where I visualize myself as a tree while deep breathing and balancing my energies, and then I bring Divine energy into a rainbow surrounding the entire Earth that turns into a pure and radiant white light. It is my effort to balance and protect us from the darkness. However, I still kept getting the feeling that something big was about to happen that cannot be undone and will affect everything. It was almost as if someone was about to tell me that it is now too late for me to do what I came here to do, but that cannot be possible. Who I am has never been allowed to step forward before. There was never a choice, never an opportunity.
In readings for other people, I was always able to see multiple pathways that people could choose. For myself now, I do see a possible path where who I am will finally be allowed to step forward, though I of course cannot see all the stepping stones layed out on that path. Isn’t it funny how that works? I’m allowed to see there is a possibility, but only if I walk in faith! Of course! However, the truest parts of me are still hidden … because too many people in this world constantly told her that she was bad and not needed, not allowed here. They cast her out of this world.
Maybe that’s how she ended up in the Land of Mist … if She really is a part of me? Athena? Can you hear me?
What I am about to share with you is one of the weirdest things that has happened to me in a while. It’s not the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me. Basically, I’m admitting publicly … finally … that I am a very unusual person who sometimes has very unusual experiences. Until now, I have tried to keep them away from my Truth (and especially from public knowledge) because I have not felt that it is safe to share how different I am, but here goes nothing …
I have visions. I have dreams about things that actually happen. I have seen living ghosts that you cannot see with the naked eye but can be seen through a reflection, like in a turned off television. There are other things, but I believe in the work I do, and I know things … I mean I really KNOW things. I may have to legally say this is entertainment, but it made a lot of sense to me to learn that my blood is Native American and Gypsy. I have a lot of respect for both heritages, though I know I don’t understand enough about either. I know just enough to understand that I am not “normal”, and I am no longer afraid to say it because this world is getting too messed up for people like me to stay quiet about it any longer.
So, over the past few years, I have walked the path of the wounded healer. I believe I am becoming a Shaman who is meant to help the world awaken. I don’t believe that makes me special. Honestly, I think I may have been drinking too much wine in Heaven because this was a very painful path to walk, and sometimes I want to smack my higher self for thinking this was a good idea.
One of the major ways I have found my way back to myself is by connecting with goddess energy, by connecting with the Divine Feminine that is desperately needed in order to bring balance into our world. Recently I had a vision of Athena. I’m not sure if this vision represents what is still a lost part of me, a lost part of our world itself or both. What I am sure of is that she needs to be found, and I’m not sure I know how to do it.
Here is What Happened:
I don’t remember if it was the night of the election or the next day, but I was thinking about how everyone had been referring to the “blue wave” taking over. (A special note here: I am only discussing politics as they relate to the vision itself. Please do not share political opinions as that is not what this post is about. Political comments will be deleted. TY)
I had been thinking about how, if the (United States) government actually worked together as it should, red + blue together would make purple which is the color of royalty. I found that to be an interesting thought and considered for a moment about what that meant with respect to vibrational energy.
There was not exactly a “blue wave”, though many women made it into the Senate, so there was talk about a “pink wave”. Even though blue + pink technically make a shade closer to lavender, in my mind, I said “violet” and was suddenly transported somewhere else.
The vision was as clear as my real dreams, though I was entirely awake and had not even attempted to Journey. I was in a Land of Mist where I heard a deep feminine voice saying, “Atheeeena”. It felt like a calling deep within me but also coming from somewhere deep within the Earth itself. She called again, “Atheeeena”. It felt like Gaia herself was calling to the Goddess, like the Earth Mother herself was calling to her daughter but also within me.
The mist around her cleared a bit. I could almost make out what looked like trees. She was dressed in what looked like a white gown with a hood, though it could have been made of the mist itself. When she heard her name, Athena turned to her left, she turned toward me. As she did, I could see her eyes turn from a milky white color (the color of the mist) and clear to become a vivid green like my own.
Just before we made eye contact, the vision ended. It had seemed as though she was trapped there, watching/distracted by the sadness in the world. It was like she was watching visions of the world within herself.
When her name was called, I felt it echo within me, but it also felt as if it was coming from within the Earth itself – echoing within the belly of the Earth to the depths of deepest seas and even to the tops of the highest mountains. Gaia herself was calling out to her as if to say, “The time has come; it must be now! Rise, sister, rise!”
But, it all happened so fast. Before I knew it, I was back to myself not believing what had just happened. I knew it was a Divine message because there is no way I am that creative. Even if I was, there’s no way I could have come up with that story/event so quickly … I had to accept that I did not make that happen, and it was not a side effect of any of my medications. I have been on the same meds for a while now, so any side effects would have happened before now.
This was also not my first encounter with goddess energy. Brigid saved me as a child – long story. And, I have been physically working to increase goddess energy in the world, so I took a few deep breaths and realized that I should not be so surprised to have had this experience.
I don’t know if what I experienced was the Goddess energy rising within me or within the world itself – or both. From what I understand, I think it is both because that is how it works. Goddess energy is in all things that are willing to work with it, and Athena is exactly the energy we need right now. Athena is the perfect Goddess to lead us away from war and toward a true Renaissance. <3
“Athena is an angel of true power. There is no greater power than love, and Athena is here to share this message with you. You have the strength to use your power in a way that is effective yet loving. This is not a message of brute force.
Athena also tells us not to be afraid of our power. Our power comes from a perfect balance between our masculine and feminine energies. We are a creation of God meant to exist in harmony within ourselves, and we need that balance to be who we are meant to be.”
I wrote that description six years ago, though I find it interesting how it bears similarity in its description to the truth of finding Christ consciousness within us (which I did not understand at the time). It is about finding the balance between our masculine and feminine energies within, and it is about our greatest power – LOVE! Athena may in fact be about finding our True Divinity.
In that description, I had also included a quote from Marianne Williamson …
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles.
Wouldn’t it be an incredible feat to return human consciousness on a massive scale to a state where it exists in a continual state of love? Is that even possible? Maybe it is possible … if we work together. This next generation of children … they are incredibly beautiful!
Maybe I am anxious to let my true light shine because there have been times in the past where it has been dangerous for me to do so. However, my son is older now, and he has friends of his own who also protect and love him. His friends are also my children, and I will protect them if needed as well. I am much stronger than I once was. I feel that even the pain of my past lives has found healing. Many love that quote about being descendants of the witches they could not burn. However, I believe many of us here are the ones they did burn, and we have returned to bring the balance to humanity.
We are the Hearts on Fire! We are the souls of the ones they did burn!!! We are here as the true loving, beautiful incarnated and living aspects of goddess energy. I don’t believe that makes us better than anyone else, but I do believe that means we have a responsibility and a destiny to do something. I’m not sure what that is yet, but the next time I see Athena, I am going to meet her gaze and reach my hand out to her. I will invite her to come back here with me because it is time for us all to become who we are meant to be – including Her. Including Me. Including YOU! Rise Sisters Rise!!!
Athena in Our Waking Consciousness
One of the duties of a Shaman is to interpret the signs the universe is communicating to us through conscious reality, and one of the ways that is being done currently is through movies. Consider the movie Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman is definitely one way that Athena is breaking through into our conscious reality. Her character in the movie is named Diana, so I will also say that the goddess Diana is very much represented in her character as well.
Spoiler alert in this next statement … if you have not seen the movie, you may want to skip to the next paragraph. In the 2017 Wonder Woman movie, the heroine named Diana finds out that she is the brother of Ares (In reality, Athena is the brother of Ares). Ares, the god of war, has poisoned the hearts of men to create war and destruction. This goddess must rise to destroy him to save humanity.
Okay, this paragraph is safe and contains no spoilers. However, what I will say is that the Creator is trying to show us that it is time for the goddess energy to rise – not necessarily to destroy the god energy but very much so to bring it into balance. We live in a society where people believe that destruction, war, hatred and ignorance should reign, but these are not the balanced energies of God.
It Has Taken Centuries To Get Here
For centuries, women have been shut down, silenced, burned, drowned, raped, and tortured in so many horrific ways. Women are such truly beautiful and extraordinary creations of God-Source energy … able to create life and to nourish it, yet mankind became so jealous and fearful of our power that they had to go out of their way to extinguish it. They turned neighbors against neighbors, sisters against sisters, daughters against mothers and mothers against daughters. They spread such disgusting lies and hatred, like a plaque that has not yet been completely swept away from our deepest memories. Still today, they cannot decide if we are whores for getting pregnant or if the child in our belly is a miracle …
This is one I personally carry a righteous fury about! I want to know the answer to this one Society!!! My mother’s story is not mine to share, but I grew up knowing … KNOWING that I was a mistake that was never intended to be born … because that is the message my mother and I received from this world … from our society … because that is how women are treated here in this world. This world treated us worse than the dirt they walked on, and then they turned around and spat on us for good measure.
In my story, it sounds like there might have actually been some kind of conspiracy to keep me a secret from my father. It’s possible he didn’t know I was really his daughter for 37 years! Most of the fault I place on the legal system, but it appears people really went out of their way on this one as if a baby is so much of a threat … really? Blood tests were not yet admissible in court, so it was essentially a trial by jury to determine if my father was my father. The way they treated my mother in that courtroom makes me want to go back in time and slap all of them upside their ignorant heads – including the judge and both lawyers! The court records are unreal! The jury deliberated at 5pm the day before Thanksgiving … it only took them a few minutes to make their decision. I’m sure they wanted nothing more than to get home and begin preparations for the next day … it’s not like the rest of my life was on the line or anything!
Taking Back My Power
So … Here is my question … Am I a MIRACLE? Or, Am I a MISTAKE? Part of me wants to scream with every part of my being, “You can’t have it both ways you judgmental jackasses!!!” These people that go to church on Sundays and pretend to be perfect hands of God but damn those whom He would walk beside … You want to force your own beliefs and choices on women and damn the consequences to them and their children! Do you have any idea what you force upon those children? Because I didn’t see any of you trying to save me! Do you seriously think that God does not know how you have treated His Daughters? Do you seriously think the Goddess does not know how you have treated Her Daughters?
Although, I will add that there are still good people who do attend church. My Grandma is one of them. However, I also do not believe that you have to attend church to be a good or holy person. 😉
For those “judgy” people, I’m just asking you to consider a new train of thought … maybe it’s time you should stop casting your judgments from your high perches and come down to see what your handiwork actually looks like. It’s easy to judge another and say things like the woman who recently wrote a comment trying to shame me about my Father Healing card explanation. I deleted the comment, but it was something like this, “How can you not love your father!?!? You should be ashamed of yourself … I love my father! Go read your Bible and a book called ‘Miss Manners’!!!” And, that is wonderful for her. I’m so happy for her that she has that experience and relationship with her father. I truly, so very much wish more women and girls had loving relationships with their fathers and father figures … I would go to great lengths and call down miracles to make that happen, if it were only in my power to make it so … but what about the ones who didn’t?
What if you lived a childhood where you felt no one cared whether you were dead or alive, and you had the bruises to prove it? What if you were labeled a criminal and thief because you had to steal bras and feminine hygiene products when you were like 13 or 14 years old? (Some step – fathers don’t think it’s fair for them to have to pay for kids that don’t belong to them.) What if your “father” believed you to be a mistake? What if you believed you were unworthy of love because it was beaten into you so you’d know it?
“Mrs. Judgy”, how can you possibly understand the life of that child? You can’t … because that child has never known the love of a father. Believe me, I know her.
It is this superficial and destructive belief that blames the victim and tells us we should “forgive” those who have harmed us, making us feel that we are not holy enough if we do not move on and allow those people back into our lives with full pardon that is a mistake. I’m here to tell you that belief is bull sh*t because that is how I got sick. After years and years of pushing all that toxic pain down inside of myself, forgiving those who hurt me, and allowing them to continue being in my life and hurting me … it ended up manifesting itself in a full blown neurological disorder and a chronic form of PTSD due to the childhood trauma I was taught to forgive and not talk about. On top of that, those abusers hurt other people because of my silence.
I WILL NO LONGER BE SILENT!!!
Sure, we can have empathy for a person who is abusive or horrible to us and see them as someone who was harmed themselves, someone who is on the path to healing. However, we all at some point choose to be who we are. We all make that choice to either stop the abuse or continue it. We all decide to be who we want to be. We can still have empathy for someone while not allowing them in our lives or not allowing them to harm us. We do not have to take abuse! We all deserve to be loved. Every single child born into this world deserves to be loved and to feel safe! No child should ever be taught they need to love their abuser and that they are bad for not doing so.
What gives these people the right to judge us anyway? Did God grant them special privilege? I don’t remember reading that memo! Maybe it’s time for those who are being so judgemental to check themselves and ask why they are being that way. Maybe their need to judge others is taking their focus away from things they know they themselves are doing wrong.
And I know there are many, many of you out there who have similar stories of being shamed and judged. Maybe you have been shamed for being whores when you did absolutely nothing wrong. Maybe you have been shamed for wearing the wrong clothes or makeup or whatever … just for being a woman or Heaven forbid having a mind of your own. Well, it stops now!!! All those people up on their perches believing they have the right to shame us for whatever stick they have up their righteous asses … I say we light those sticks on fire!!!
I too once faithfully attended church regularly every Wednesday and twice on Sunday, but I have witnessed them tear down my friends and sisters for being nothing more than women … for nothing more than being capable of being able to give life, while the fathers hide in secrecy with no blame. I have witnessed the hypocrisy of those who hide their “sins” while shaming others for things that would be such a trivial matter compared to what they themselves have done, but who do they think they are kidding? Like God/dess doesn’t know???
Isn’t it time we stop playing games and get real about life and true spirituality? Earth is no longer a playground for the selfish and greedy! Look around! Our Earth Mother is being treated with just as much disrespect as women! It is time we pay our respects to our Mother Earth, to stop raping nature and women, and to respect both for the beautiful and Divine creations they are!!!
THE TIME IS NOW!!!
And, please do not forget that the goddess can rise in men as well. Dear brothers, we have not forgotten you. We see you, too. We need you, too. And for those brothers who hold true and balanced God Source energy, you are also needed. You are needed to hold space for the Divine Feminine to rise. You are needed to love, support, nurture and protect us.
You are needed to Rise in Unity with us. However, those of you who only wish to cause us harm … who only wish to keep us silent, to mistreat our bodies and tell us how worthless we are … you had better watch yourselves brothers (and sisters). SHE IS RISING!!!
A Call to Action: Gather the Women
Are you feeling a bit angry about the mistreatment of the feminine? Do you feel that fire? That’s good! What you feel right now is called Righteous Fire, and that is a Gift from the Divine. There have been many people throughout the centuries that have fought to take it from us, but it’s time we take it back and use it for something that makes a difference in this world.
Right now, I’m beginning by gathering the women. My guidance tells me to just begin by gathering the women, help them to feel stronger and better about themselves, help them to create and talk. Help them to begin by loving themselves and their families. My first group was to invite close friends and family into my dining room to paint rocks (which is a hobby of mine) with symbols of love and with intention as Beacons of Love for their families, communities and humanity … and we did it on the Full Wolf Moon! Yes, we did! 🙂 It might not sound like much, but I introduced them to their feminine power that day, too. I helped them begin to remember!
I shared with my family and friends how art has helped me, not only with my healing process, but also how I receive messages from the Divine through my artwork. It was a brave step for me, but guess what … they were receptive! That day was a major step forward for my own heart and soul.
I encourage you sisters, begin by gathering the women around you. Gather those who encourage you and those whom you can encourage … to love … to empower … to create.
Begin by gathering the women. They will not stop us this time. The world is ready!
We will find the Truth and Divinity within ourselves and our sisters, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, friends, all those we love, and we will all rise together.
If you are not sure what to do, get quiet in your meditation and connect with the Divine Mother. Let Her be your guide.
Maybe this movement; maybe our gathering of the women will be enough to bring Her fully out of the mist.
Please feel free to share with me below how you have begun to #GathertheWomen. I even created a playlist you can use for inspiration. Find my Empowerment Playlist here on YouTube!
AND … I just completed my very first eBook that is 100% written by me called The Ultimate Guide to Creating Beacons of Love which explains exactly how I put together my awesome little stone painting party. Be sure to check that out!
Athena and ME
On a personal level, I do understand what it means to be trapped inside yourself, looking at a world filled with pain. I understand that world. I have lived that world. There is a part of me that has been trapped inside myself for 41 years.
I don’t think it’s coincidence this article just happens to be publishing the week that will mark 24 years since I broke free of those who were abusing me. Though I carried the mental and emotional pain of those traumas past my 41st birthday … but NO MORE!
I no longer believe it is coincidence that my guardian/protector/husband was born on Imbolc, which is a day that means a return to hope and the return of the light … and I kid you not … It is also called St. Brigid’s Day. My husband, who has been by my side since our senior year of high school, was born on the day that is dedicated to the Goddess Brigid … the same goddess who saved me as a child. Brigid is referred to as the keeper of the sacred flame, which I did not know for the last few years that I have been holding Miranda Lambert’s “Keeper of the Flame” as something of a personal theme song.
If you aren’t a Scorpio, you probably don’t know this, but those born under this sign actually have three signs. There is the scorpion, which connects to the element of water. There is also the eagle, which connects to the element of air. And, there is also the phoenix, which connects to the element of fire. It might sound silly, but I like to think that the fire I feel in my feet, legs and hands from my illness is actually some kind of spiritual flame of the phoenix … that one day I will figure out its secret and use it to help save the children who are just like me … because that’s what Brigid told me I would do the night she saved me.
Maybe it’s not enough to simply keep my flame hidden within. Maybe somehow lighting the sacred flame will finally bring my personal version of Athena out of the mist; maybe then I will be able to save the children who are just like me … “the little pilot lights waiting to ignite”. <3
Synchronicity … How can this be real?
Even now with all that has happened and all that I have seen, I ask myself if I really am saying that a freaking goddess saved my life when I was a child. I mean, seriously? Who the heck am I? Why would a goddess need me? And, how am I supposed to save anyone? I can’t even save myself! Sometimes I can’t even make myself get out of bed because this pain is so bad! How can this be real? I mean, yes I have made a lot of progress, but still …
So, I finished this article … or thought it was finished, and my ego decided to take one last shot at me … I was feeling really vulnerable about sharing this stuff and decided to distract myself with television and a cup of herbal tea. I’ve been watching this remake of a show I used to watch called “Charmed“. A few weeks ago, these rebel witches saved someone from the depths of hell, but they didn’t say who it was until the episode I just happened to watch just now. It turns out this poor woman was never supposed to be there in the first place. You’ll never guess who it was they saved …
Yeah, they just happened to save this really super important witch who they called “the keeper of the sacred flame“!!! NO FREAKIN’ KIDDING!!! I pressed pause and yelled out into the room, “Are you freakin’ kidding me?!?” That is something I consider to be a huge synchronicity, and I did mention earlier that the Divine can use media to communicate with us. I just don’t even know what to say to that … still I don’t know how I am supposed to do anything that will save anyone else. That truly seems like a tall order at the moment, but I will keep walking in faith.
I mean it was truly jaw dropping … on the show, the witches said this keeper of the flame was tortured in hell by removing all hope from her life. Last summer, I painted several stones to go on my front porch and in little pots where I had flowers. There was one that I had painted with the word “Hope” on it, and I recently told my family how it was fitting that was the stone that the paint had faded on because I felt my own hope had certainly faded at points on this journey with everything I have been through. In fact, that stone faded so badly that it turned almost white. It’s too bad there aren’t any rebel witches out there willing to save me. 😉 I will continue to walk in faith and fight with whatever I have left within me. I hope you will, too.
Keep fighting, keep moving forward, gather the women, do whatever is still left in your power to do … create … and Be!
Wishing You All Strength, Wisdom, Light and Love,
To those who only Watch, can you not hear Her? What are you waiting for?
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