What Loneliness Could Be Telling You
by Arpita Saxena, guest writer for Angel Messenger
“Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.” – Dag Hammarskjold
I stumbled upon the aforementioned quote on a quiet Saturday evening while scrolling casually through one of my social media pages.
Since my childhood, I’ve been someone fond of solitude. Any kind of togetherness, for too long, drained me and I’d sub-consciously start looking for ways to reignite my spark – yes, even to this day. I also prefer being alone than to be close to people with whom I do not share a mental affinity. For a long time, this trait remained unaccepted by people around me, and somewhat it still is.
However, many people aren’t loners by choice. Given my personal experience and observations, I learned over time that almost everyone undergoes loneliness, and some actually prefer being in some or the other company all the time, whether they admit it or not.
What is loneliness?
Sarah compulsively indulged in shopping on weekends. She was in a long-distance relationship with a man who saw her thrice a year. Despite being loyal and virtuous, he prioritized other things over her and also resented her social engagements with friends, particularly males. Incapable to fill in the lonely void in her life, she resorted to external means for emotional fulfillment. Soon, she was sitting with mounting credit card debt which forced her to work overtime in an office sapping her energy and dampening her already-lukewarm personal life. Sarah was trying to muffle her feelings of loneliness with a wardrobe full of clothes and accessories. However, what she really needed was a fulfilling love relationship and healthy social life.
Loneliness is longing for interpersonal connection with people and can feel like a bottomless pit of fear and despondency. The feeling can make us doubt our worthiness and can even badger us enough to make unhealthful, or unwise moves.
Why do we feel lonely from time to time?
Over time, I have discovered almost everything ever said and written about loneliness, to be true. Factors like losing a loved one, abreak-up or any other kind of emotional trauma can trigger loneliness in us. Quite often, medical conditions like diabetes, thyroid, low blood pressure, depression, pre-menstrual syndrome and menopause also make people feel lonely without any cause. Moving to a new place, embarking on an unknown journey, a difference of opinion with loved ones, natural calamities, betrayal, racial or cultural discrimination, bullying, unrequited love, and understanding can also lead to feelings of loneliness. Despite willingly being a loner, I feel lonely myself occasionally.
A lonely person has heightened sensitivity levels and frequently develops false notions about self. He/she often feels unwanted, unloved, undesirable, insignificant, despairing, insecure, or abandoned, while being certain that other people out there are enjoying the best times of their lives, are loved, desired, wanted and have made the right life choices. A lonely person is self-absorbed, desperately seeks positive affirmations from others and is very vulnerable to the approval and disapproval of other people.
What loneliness could be indicating
I must admit that at times, I ponder about loneliness’s sheer power to alter and sometimes even define our lives. While doing my research for this article, I found a useful piece of information which said – God will never allow anything to exist unless it serves a purpose.
As a perpetual believer in synchronicities, I was immediately convinced that this was Divine guidance to carry me through this write-up. My gut nudged me to conclude that all feelings and emotions, positive or negative, have a purpose to them. And loneliness, for that matter, is no exception.
Loneliness could really be begging you to review if the philosophy and motivation of your life is in sync with your soul. It comes to question the foundation of your beliefs, and how you comprehend the world in which you live. Simply put, what it could really be calling for is action steps to change the situation that is blocking your good. When channeled positively, this feeling could act as a motivating force to get rid of the dead weight from our lives.
Since loneliness makes your focus turn inwards, make the most of this feeling. Focus on health and quit pouring alcohol, food, caffeine, or other substances over your feelings of isolation. Reconnect with Spirit by regularly asking for God’s guidance and then simply surrendering to His will. Be a higher version of yourself and try being compassionate to others by offering to help them, secretly praying for them and consciously sending love and light to them without expecting anything in return. Dust off your long-forgotten skills and try practicing them on a regular basis.
Sheer loneliness made J K Rowling focus on writing and she conceived ideas about her novel. Rowling had suffered personal blows like her mother’s death as well as a divorce from the first marriage and was grappling with clinical depression and debilitating feelings of lingering despair. At the time, she was surviving on state welfare with a dependent child. She describes her then condition as “being as poor as possible in modern Britain without being homeless”. But, it was during her ‘dark night of the soul’ moments that the most creative of ideas germinated which later went on to become the behemoth Harry Potter series. And the rest as we know is history.
Thus, the next time loneliness comes to take you in its grip, bow your hands in front of it, greet it with love and ask gently, “Thank you for visiting me. What are you here to teach me?”
About the Writer:
Arpita is a journalist and has an intrinsic inclination towards spirituality and self-help. She vehemently follows the works of Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer, Doreen Virtue, Marianne Willamson, and the likes. Arpita caters to her love for writing about life and its lessons via blog, Quora, Twitter, among other social media platforms.