It is with a heavy heart I write today. I didn’t know why I’d been thinking about my own past so much recently and why the topic of teen suicide had been entering my mind. Suicide is something that breaks my heart in a way that I cannot even explain. I actually wrote a short story on the topic a few months back when Ellen was talking about such tragic loss of life. Maybe I’ll share that sometime.
Late last night, with the sick feeling of tragedy seeping into my soul, I read what I already knew. Someone else had given up. Someone else decided to leave this Earth, thinking it would be easier to leave this place, but it never is easier. Let me tell you. This is something I know. I know both sides.
Once up on a time, I was a teenage girl. I was a girl who wanted to give up on everything that hurt so badly. I was good at handling physical pain; I knew what that felt like. It was all too familiar. It was the emotional pain I couldn’t handle. It hurt so badly knowing that those who should love me didn’t. They hated me with every word, every touch. I could feel only a desire that I never existed, and that desire became my own. I tried to end my own life.
This is something that not many people know about me, not even my family. There was a Divine intervention that I couldn’t even begin to understand at that time. Someone stopped me from making such a heartbreaking mistake. As something that’s so new to me to share, I don’t really know how to explain what happened. I only know that I was given a choice, and I chose Light. Darkness tried to take me, but I fought back.
Darkness excels at slithering it’s way into our lives, especially with gifted young. Its desire is to destroy that which could oppose it. Destroying the Light within a soul feeds it.
I know some may be surprised I would talk about such things, but not talking about it isn’t going to help anyone. Our souls carry both Light and Darkness, and it is within each of us that eternal battle wages. Some say one cannot exist without the other, and maybe they are right. Darkness seeks to destroy Light, but in doing so only destroys itself. Light is better recognized by those who have fought their Darkness and come out the other side. Maybe we have a few scars, but they are reminders of what could have been and the free will that set us free.
Suicide is Darkness unveiled. That’s when it stops hiding inside a person and takes action. It creates helplessness and despair at such a level that a person can no longer see Light.
But, when that soul leaves its body, it doesn’t find the peace Darkness promised. There is overwhelming regret. I have never once encountered a soul who didn’t regret taking their own life. The ones who could actually talk with me expressed only the deepest regrets and a sadness I could hardly bear. Sure, their souls eventually begin to heal, but it is always so much more than what they were going through here. Many times, they express wishing they had known the truth instead of the illusions Darkness set before them. When a soul chooses death, they choose to turn their back on Light. Though that Light will never turn its back on them, it tends to be difficult for the lost soul to understand such love and forgiveness when all they have allowed themselves to feel has been darkness and despair.
Suicide is NEVER the answer! While I can’t describe exactly what saved me, I can tell you that I chose Light. I chose Love. I saw the truth of my situation. I felt despair, heartache and a pain that I would have given anything to end, but I knew leaving this Earth would mean leaving behind any chance I would ever have at happiness – at Love. There were those who loved me, and I saw what my decision would do to them. I realized my actions would be selfish and weak, and I had never been either of those things. It might not sound like much the way I’m explaining it, but it was my lifeline. I then began to see little bits and pieces of Light that had been watching over me, pieces I had never noticed before. There were people who loved me, though they were sometimes too busy with their own lives to really see what was happening in mine. When I couldn’t see that I was worth my next breath, there were those that made my heart believe that I might one day be worth something to someone. Things didn’t change over night. I still felt pain, despair, anger and so much more, but I also had hope. Hope was the lifeline I never let go of; the one that can save a soul from any darkness.
If you are considering leaving this world might be an easier alternative to living, please try harder to look beyond the darkness. Releasing yourself from this life isn’t the answer you might think it to be, and it will greatly affect your soul in a very bad way for a very long time. Giving up means a life unanswered. It is a waste of yourself and your journey. You will be angry with yourself. If you allow yourself to be overcome and fooled by the illusion set before you, there will be great regret. I almost did it myself, so I know how alluring that false sense of peace can be. It feels so easy and natural to think things have just gone horribly wrong, and you need to simply start over. But, it doesn’t work that way. You chose this life, just like I chose mine. I know certain things didn’t have to be quite as bad as they were. Things were made worse by the free will of those that should have loved me, but not giving up made me stronger, and I have no regrets. I was meant to be born, and I was meant to live. YOU are meant to live! Embrace your truth and the Light within yourself, and fight back. Be strong, and do not give up on yourself or what you came here to do. You may not even know why you’re here yet, but leaving means you’ll never know.
I ask for prayers for the souls who have been lost and peace for those left behind. There is nothing more tragic than a life left unanswered, and now there are two more. I pray that Archangel Michael finds these confused souls and helps them to see Love. Please, Michael, I know you can’t interfere with free will. I know it’s ultimately their choice whether they go with you or stay in pain and regret, but I ask that you go to them. With my prayers, those of their families, friends, loved ones and of those reading these words, it is my hope that the power of our prayers and your strength will help them choose right this time. Hope is a powerful weapon, and it’s one you wield well.
May my prayers find their resting place in the hearts of those who need them,
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