When Someone Sees You Through Their Pain

A reflection on grief, misunderstanding, and returning to your truth

by Rev. Sheri
Spiritual teacher, writer, and founder of Angel Messenger

There is a kind of pain that doesn’t just pass through you.

It settles deeper.

It becomes part of how you move through the world…
how you understand others…
how you hold space.

The loss of my father was not just a loss.

It was a breaking of something foundational.

And with it, I lost more than one person—
I lost a whole thread of family, of connection, of belonging.

It is a grief that carved itself into my bones.

Because of that…
I understand what grief does to a person.

I understand how fragile it can make you.
How tender.
How easily misunderstood.

When you carry deep grief, you become especially mindful of the pain of others.

If something feels tender or unsafe to someone, it deserves space and care.

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And yet… there are moments in life
when you are seen in a way that does not reflect your truth.

Moments when your intentions are misread.
When your heart is misunderstood.
When something inside you says:

This is so far from who I am… it doesn’t even make sense.
Even when something is misrepresented or misunderstood,
truth does not shift to match the perception.

These moments can be disorienting.

Especially when you are someone who leads with care.
Especially when you try to move through the world with compassion.

Because your instinct is not to defend.
Your instinct is to understand.
To soften.
To help.

But not everything can be softened in that way.

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Sometimes, people meet you from their pain.

And sometimes… they don’t just hold that pain.

They project it.

They see you through the lens of what they’ve been through—
not through the truth of who you are.

And in those moments, something important is asked of you.

Not to prove yourself.
Not to carry what isn’t yours.
Not to fix what you did not break.

But to return… to yourself.

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There is a quiet boundary that must be honored here.

A place where you gently say:

I cannot carry this for you.

Not because you don’t care.

But because you do.

Because you know what it means to carry too much.
Because you know what it costs.

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For a moment, I wanted to fix it.

To explain.
To help them see.
To help the situation resolve.

But I can’t carry what isn’t mine on top of what I’ve already held.

I have already carried enough.
I have already released so much.

And this is where I choose again:

To release what is not mine.

To release the words that do not reflect my heart.
To release the weight of being misunderstood.
To release the need to be seen clearly by someone who could not see me.

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If you have ever been misunderstood…

If someone has seen you in a way that didn’t match your truth…

If you’ve felt the pull to over-explain, to defend, to carry something that wasn’t yours…

You are not alone.

And you don’t have to carry it.

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There is a deeper truth that remains, even when others cannot see it:

You know who you are.

You know the heart you carry.
You know what you would—and would never—do.

And that truth does not change
based on someone else’s perception.

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So if you find yourself in a moment like this…

Take a breath.

Place your hand over your heart.

And gently remind yourself:

I know the truth of who I am.
What is not mine, I release.

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Some things are not meant to be resolved outwardly.

Some things are meant to be released inwardly.

And in that release…
you return to yourself.

Steady.
Clear.
Unchanged.

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If this reflection touched something in your heart…
if you are carrying something that feels heavy or hard to hold alone…

You are welcome to place it here.

🕯️ Add your prayer to the Living Prayer Wall of Light

You don’t have to carry it by yourself.
🤍
Rev. Sheri