I don’t always remember to post these, but I try …

I hope you and your family are enjoying this holiday season.  For me, it seems to be going by very quickly.  Personally, I’m not able to do much in the way of giving gifts this year, so I’m not really behind in that area.  I guess I’m just not really ready for this time of year yet.  I can’t put up my tree because I’ve taken in 3 new kittens this year … what a mess that would be.  It’s hard enough keeping my 11 year old cat from stealing bulbs off the tree!  I guess I just feel completely different about the holidays this year.  Normally, everything is all rush rush with family occasions and shopping for dinner supplies and presents.  This year, though, maybe my view is a bit more “enlightened”.  We always say that the holidays are supposed to be about being with those we love and not about presents or other material garbage, but it seems to me that this is not really how most people experience the holidays.  Instead, it’s more about rushing here and there to get everything done in order to do what’s expected of us or what we expect of ourselves.  I’m no exception to this.  I’ve realized that I’ve let the important aspects of the holidays slip through my mind for a while, but not this year.

Honestly, it was because of seeing something terrible that brought me to this place.  I don’t normally watch the news.  In fact, my husband tries to shield me from things the he knows I won’t handle well … like being sure to close the window for CNN’s website when he uses my computer.  Part of being good at what I do is because I’m extremely empathic.  As with most empaths, watching the news is almost like torturing myself.  On Thanksgiving, though, I accidentally saw something on the news.  We were at the home of my in-laws, and I saw the broadcast of what was going on with the terrorist attacks in India.  I actually started to feel very ill like I didn’t know whether to vomit or pass out.  I did not handle it well at all.  I could sense the fear and the death and the horror and the pleasure of the men who thought their cause was well founded.  I didn’t sleep at all that night.  Everytime I closed my eyes, I could see people I loved being harmed.  Trying to block out my visions only revealed why I was having them; the emotional connection I felt with the victims was too strong not to internalize those feelings as my own.  Especially with being so tired from the day and the feelings of illness, I could not block it out.  My emotions overwhelmed me.

I ended up getting out of bed at 4am.  Since I couldn’t sleep, I decided to embrace my insanity and go Black Friday shopping at my local Walmart.  That was extremely disappointing, but that’s another story.  On my way to the store, I was driving on a very dark and very lonely road.  At first I thought I was just tired and seeing things, but I really don’t beleive that’s what this was.  Something “flew” just above my windshield and caught me off guard.  I looked up and slowed down to see several cloudlike figures swirling in the sky.  If they were much higher in the sky, I would have thought them to be clouds, but they were not very high and seemed a little more like a grayish smoke.  They seemed to stay with me as I drove.  I couldn’t help but think maybe I was going crazy or just needed sleep.  Then I thought maybe the smoke figures were trying to prevent me from running into a tree or something.  (Driving was probably not the smartest plan at that point.)  I decided to ignore what I saw and keep my eyes on the road.  Shopping turned out to be a joke, so I went home and slept for a few hours.  I coudn’t stop thinking about the figures and the attacks.  I’m still not sure what they were or what the message was, but I felt protected by them.  Maybe it was my own loved ones, but I can’t help but wonder if it might have been the energies of those I had so strongly linked to that night.  Either way, I continue to feel a very strong connection to those events.  I don’t know if maybe it somehow brought about memories/feelings of something I experienced in a past life, but it just feels like so much more than feeling the emotions of someone else.  I can’t seem to shake it off like I should be able to, and it has changed me.

Like many families in our country today, mine has had some difficult times lately.  I’ve come to realize that our circumstances and our surroundings don’t matter.  It will be difficult if we have to move or need to make some harsh financial decisions, but we will still have what’s important.  I don’t care anymore what I have to give up … as long as I never experience that kind of fear and loss first hand, I already have everything I will ever need.  I may never be rich … I may not be able to save all the cats in the free world, and I may not be able to afford Christmas presents this year.  But, I have my son and my husband and we are safe.  I am happy with that.

You may have noticed that I haven’t really written much in my blog as of late, and that’s because I just couldn’t put what I was feeling into words.  I think I’ve done that now.  Thanks for listening. 😉

Oh, be sure to read the rest of the newsletter.  I don’t think many people realize that there’s a free reading giveaway going on …

I hope you enjoy this month’s newsletter and wish you and yours a very happy holiday season.  Think about what’s most important to you and what just doesn’t matter.

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