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Ask Sheri – How Can I Let Go of Control?

“How do I let go with love because I feel I’m wanting to control my life too much. I’ve had a somewhat difficult childhood and fell pregnant when I was very young. I’ve tried and still trying, to make amends for the past and working on creating a better me. Because I’m doing the work, I expect to receive more help than I’m currently getting but I know that’s from my ego. I want to study further because I wasn’t able to due to having my daughter, who’s 15 years old today (hip hip hooray!!!), but I’m still not sure what it is that I need to do that’ll utilise my talents and benefit the world! My guidance is always to spend time in contemplation but I don’t think I’m quiet enough to hear. I do consult a pendulum but often the answers are never accurate or it changes all the time…see how controlling I am????? With love and gratitude, Dominique.”

Dear Dominique,

Don’t be too hard on yourself about your controlling nature.  Your past has made you what you are today, and there is no shame in that.  You may not be able to change what has been, but you can push yourself to change your present self.

It’s not uncommon for someone who had a difficult childhood to become a little too overbearing as an adult.  Once upon a time, too many things were out of your control.  You had to depend on others who maybe let you down.  It’s so easy to fall into thinking staying in control will protect you from anything like that happening again.  But, you are a grown woman now.  Your past cannot hurt you unless you allow it to.

I’m not just spitting out empty advice here; I’ve been there myself.  I know and still having trouble letting go myself at times.  I chose your question today because I understand, and I can help.

I should also say that a pendulum is probably not the best way for you to get answers.  I’ve found that a pendulum can be easily manipulated.  Instead, maybe consider purchasing a deck of angel oracle cards.

Like I’ve said, I have had my own share of struggles with control issues.  Even when I work with others, I sometimes tell myself that I don’t delegate because I feel badly about asking others for help.  Then there are times when it’s a bit more than that, and I have to be honest and realize that it’s maybe also because I fear being let down.  Does this sound familiar?

Knowing your angels are with you does help.  Your guardian angels are will you all day every day, and you can ask them for help with anything.  Asking a human for help works a little bit differently.  With angels, you’re never giving up your free will – your control.  If you depend on a person to do something for you, you usually have no power over how it’s done.  This is one way to train yourself to let go.

When your daughter was young, you had to make a decision to leave her with someone else for the first time.  It wasn’t an easy decision, but you did it, and you let go trusting that she would be okay.  Then as she grew older, you eventually had to make a decision when she could be trusted to be on her own for a while and still be safe.  Again, you had to let go.  You let go of your fear and trusted.  Remember those experiences.

If you want to teach yourself to let go, try to put yourself in (positive and safe) situations where you can practice not being in control.  If you’re going to the movies, allow someone else to pick the movie and/or place for dinner – with no input from you.  Don’t fight their decision.  Surrender to it, and enjoy yourself.

I recently read a great article on “4 Simple Ways to Let Go of Control”, and the author talks about what being controlling costs us.  He says you have to be honest with yourself and be willing to let go of that control.  Challenge yourself to find some things in your life that you don’t need to be in control of.  It can be small things, like deciding what’s for dinner, or it can be something larger, like allowing the universe to bring you the right situation without being attached to the outcome.

The second option might be a bit more difficult for you, but it will also be extremely helpful.  You are having a hard time making decisions and receiving guidance because you’re trying to hold onto to some element of control over the outcome.  For the best future possible, you will have to let go in the present.

“The Art of Surrender

Surrender literally means to stop fighting. Stop fighting with yourself. Stop fighting the universe and the natural flow of things. Stop resisting and pushing against reality.

Surrender = Complete acceptance of what is + Faith that all is well, even without my input.

It’s not about inaction. It’s about taking action from that that place of surrender energy.

If letting go of control and surrendering not only feel better, but actually produce better results, how do we do that?

Sometimes it’s as easy as noticing that you’re in control mode and choosing to let go—consciously and deliberately shifting into surrender energy.

For example, when I become aware that I’m in control mode, I imagine that I’m in a small canoe paddling upstream, against the current. It’s hard. It’s a fight. That’s what control mode feels like to me.

When I choose to let go and surrender, I visualize the boat turning around, me dropping the oars, and floating downstream.”

    – This is from an article entitled, “Let Go of Control: How to Learn the Art of Surrender” from Tinybuddha.com.  You should read this article!

The best decisions I’ve ever made have come at times when I’ve completely let go.  Sometimes being in control might feel safe, but really we’re just fighting against a path that could bring more joy and peace than we’d ever dreamed of.  We have to have faith that we are worthy of things turning out okay.  I hope my advice has been helpful to you, Dominique.  Practice letting go, and it will become easier.

Angel Blessings,


About Rev. Sheri

Rev. Sheri is an advocate for spiritual growth and education who is dedicated to helping others communicate with Heaven – without the need for an intermediary.

She is the founder of Angel Messenger, a website that provides free online Angel card readings to hundreds of thousands of monthly visitors. Learn more about Rev. Sheri here.

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2 replies
  1. Bonnie Anderson
    Bonnie Anderson says:



  2. Dominique
    Dominique says:

    I just cried when I saw your reply, never expected from what could be thousands of mail you receive daily, to see mine being chosen! And it’s in that instant that the penny dropped!!! I gave up control and I wasn’t ATTACHED TO THE OUTCOME and so it all worked out! Isn’t it amazing?!?!

    Thank you for your help, I so see it from a different perspective now. You’re right, my issue has been lack of faith because of my past. If I am honest, I am so scared that I might go through that hell again and I might not know how to survive. I thought I worked through it but clearly I still have lots to heal. Would never have realised that I’m still allowing my past to affect my present.

    Am definitely purchasing the Angel cards. It’s only through your site, Diana Cooper and Dorreen Virtue, that I’ve started even thinking of the possibility of Angels being at my side! So thank you for all the wonderful work that you do and for the daily source of inspiration. I truly admire the work you do.

    God’s richest blessings to you.

    Learning to let go and let God.


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