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Ask Sheri – Destructive Soulmate

“I believe I am a light worker and have indeed been employed as such for nearly 20 years. How is it I can help others and bring light to their lives, be so organized and functioning in work, yet in my personal life I have nothing but turmoil. I have been in a relationship with an alcoholic for 7 years now, it is dysfunctional and very stressful, yet I cannot leave him…Why is this? I did think it was because I was his soul mate, but would I be called to love someone who can be so destructive in my life, and how can I muster the courage to either stick with it or move on?”

Dear Lightworker,

Yes, that is what you are, but I’m sure it’s difficult to believe sometimes when your own life has been so difficult.  How can you possibly be meant to do this for others but have your own life in such turmoil?  I’ve heard that question before.  The answer is because you’re not meant to.  Sure, you’re meant to help others, but your own life is not “meant” to be this way.  You are meant to be happy and living a life that helps you grow spiritually, emotionally and intellectually.  Are you living that life?

We both know the answer to that question, but admitting the truth is of course the first step.  The next step is knowing that it’s okay; this is part of the process.  It doesn’t make you less of a lightworker.  After all, how could you possibly help another if you have no experience in such matters?  I’m seeing you’ve had just about enough “experience”, though.

I’m sure you know this, but a soul mate is not necessarily someone you are meant to spend the rest of your life with.  There was purpose to this relationship, but there will come a time when you have to ask yourself if that purpose has been fulfilled.  I would like to suggest that maybe you just need to be reminded of what is really going on here.


You should read “Realms of the Earth Angels” By Doreen Virtue. If you’ve already read it, read it again.  Remember who you are.

Doreen describes an Incarnated Angel as someone who tends to …

–  Apologize and say “I’m sorry” frequently

–  Have overeating or weight issues

–  Be professional helpers such as teachers … and counselors

–  Lighten or highlight their hair

–  Be very trusting of people

–  Have difficulty saying no and feel guilty when others help them

–  Love angels; and have collections of angel statues, books, jewelry, etc.

–  Fall in love with someone’s potential and try to coach that someone to greatness

–  Have codependent relationships with addicts and alcoholics

–  Stay in relationships much longer than the average person would *

Does any of this sound familiar?  Doreen goes on to say,

“Incarnated Angels often have friends and lovers who mask their potential with addictions.  Incarnated Angels take on these relationships as an “assignment”, trying to help others overcome their self-doubts and focus upon their strengths and talents.  Unfortunately, this often leads to frustrating relationships for both partners.  Incarnated Angels feel thwarted by trying to heal and fix their partners.  And the partners wonder,  “Why are you trying to change me?”  Many Incarnated Angels fantasize that if they did enough for their partners, or gave them enough love, these people would finally heal.  This is fine as long as these individuals believe that a need to heal exists – and are ready [and willing] to heal.”

This sort of relationship can happen with a spouse, parent, child, friend, coworker or any type of connection.  No matter the relationship, my advice is always the same.  We can be angels to others – helping them, guiding them, loving them.  But, there comes a point when we have to accept what is our purpose and what isn’t.  As Angels on Earth, we are like angels in the spirit realm in many ways.  One of our most important similarities is one we most often forget,

“We cannot interfere with free will!”

Sometimes, we have to love someone enough to let them make their own mistakes … on their own.  We can still love them.  We can still guide them, and we can still help them – when they want our help.  But, we cannot change what does not want change.  We give them opportunities for change and growth because we love them, but we cannot live their lives for them.  This is their journey – not ours.  You will muster the courage you need out of love because you know you can’t force him to change, and you are not meant to live in misery because of something you see as a failed assignment.  You didn’t fail; you gave him love, support, encouragement and so much more.  Who else would have done that?  Give yourself permission to say no.  Give yourself permission to love someone while also letting go.

Sending you love from above,

Sheri

Read more questions and answers from the “Ask Sheri” column!

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About Rev. Sheri

Rev. Sheri is an advocate for spiritual growth and education who is dedicated to helping others communicate with Heaven – without the need for an intermediary.

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